Lately, I haven’t had the strength to write. It’s actually taking me forever to write this post and it’s so unfamiliar since I typically zone in and can write anything.

I’ve been doing a lot…like, running around preparing my baby sister for prom (which she absolutely slayed). I’ve been doing my church duties, friend duties, daughter duties and all the while trying to juggle my retail job, remote job, website and relentless emotional and spiritual tests. Thankfully, my list includes fun stuff, such as driving up to Canada last week for a family wedding and flying down to Georgia for another the month before. Those getaways have been so needed because I’m obsessed with my family and it brings me joy to be around them.

However, I am still.going.through.

But, business is business…right?

You know that quote about how you’re allowed 2 minutes of thug tears before you can be “gangster” again? Yeah, that’s me!

In my Armory list, my personal newsletter to my readers, we discussed how on the very rare occasion I do cry, it’s typically that one lone Beyonce tear that I vehemently swipe away. But this season, they’ve been coming with a vengeance, leaving me with an “over it” attitude.

Over trying, over striving. Over sowing, over doing. I have a business mindset but lately, I’ve just been like, “I can’t.”

I’ve been a little sick of social media. I felt feel bombarded. It’s work for me to go on Instagram…I’m not even as active on Snapchat and GUYS, I love Snapchat.

Everything has been piling up and typically, I can handle that. I’m accustomed to doing what I gotta do. I can take a little social media hiatus or blog break and be ready to go. However, it’s the emotional and spiritual tests that have me struggling, making my load so much heavier.

Even with all that’s going on, I can’t help but be in amazement of the work God has done in me. I always tell you all how I’m not at all a sap. I don’t like gush. And I’m far from an emotional person. So the fact that I have gone from “can’t cry, won’t cry” to trials and floods is a testament to how God has been stretching me and stripping me to make room for my future.

It sucks because it hurts, but the pain is needed. Kingdom work isn’t light work and in order to successfully walk in one’s purpose, it’s necessary to be developed in all areas.

Smile in Your Storm

It may be thunder and lighting and heavy winds. Waves may be crashing over you, and you’re left suffocating under water. It may be you’re twisting and turning into senseless directions and you’re overwhelmed by a hurricane of emotions. It may be you’re attacked with hail of hurts and you can’t find shelter because the place you sought protection is flooded from the tears that tried to banish from your eyes.

I can’t tell you fighting inclement seasons gets easier. But I can tell you: it’s because I know Jesus is real, so there’s no way in hell I could ever give up on myself.

He has been sprinkling encouragement on me through my mother’s prayers, my best friend’s attentiveness, and sweet messages from my devotionals. He has been uplifting me with random texts and emails from people I barely talk to. He has been reminding me that I have to smile. That you have to smile.

Even when you don’t see your calm, even when you feel like you can’t fight anymore, even when you’re tired and just “over it” — please, smile.

I’m telling you, you have to! I have been smiling on the outside. I can’t be around people and not do so. But you have to smile when you’re alone, too. You have to smile when you’re in one of those moments where you don’t know how you’re going to get out.

You won’t always see sunshine, but you won’t make it out if you choose to not see the rainbow on the other side. If you stop, how will you find your peace? How will you find your joy?

Thugs Cry, Too

You don’t want others to see you cry. I feel you — that’s me too! But you cheat yourself when you act like you’re always good. You can still be the boss (that you are) even more so when you’re in tune with your spiritual, mental and emotional needs.

No, you can’t be strong for everybody, all the time. And I’m not saying everyone should know when you’ve reached your breaking point, either. I’m saying, even when people are looking at you to be a light, you are allowed your tears.

When you know your purpose is bigger than you, you have to smile. That’s through the thug tears, through the drama, and through the stagnant times. When your purpose is bigger than you, you wipe away those tears, you can take a break and you can always run back.

Don’t Forget Your Smile

I’m the type of person that bursts out in song and I would be remiss if I didn’t include the lyrics that came to mind as I wrote this post:

I smile, even though I hurt see I smile
I know God is working so I smile
Even though I’ve been here for a while
I smile
It’s so hard to look up when you been down
Sure would hate to see you give up now
You look so much better when you smile, so smile

Whatever it is you’re going through, let your smile be a reminder of the better days to come. It is a symbol of hope — a sign of better and brighter days that are coming.

Smile. Not just because everyone’s counting on you, but for the sake of you.