I got the dream job. Or, at least…I thought I did.
You know how the story usually goes—this position was at a well-known establishment, one that most in my field (hospitality) would have loved to be a part of. I had hoped it would serve as a stepping stone to a bigger role within the company. I had to be on my A-game, and everyone knew it. But the pressure? It was real.
Being one of the few Black women at the organization, I felt the weight of having to constantly look put together and be on my best behavior. Whenever my superiors were around, I’d tense up. I’d straighten my posture, smile at every joke, and make sure I looked presentable. All because I feared being perceived negatively. In reality, I was seeking their approval without even realizing it. I focused so much on professionalism that I ended up hiding my true self.
Then, one day, after speaking up about a particular issue, I was met with sarcasm from a superior. That’s when it hit me: There was nothing I could do to win their approval. The mutual respect I thought existed was nothing but a farce. It didn’t exist. And in that moment, I realized I needed to release myself from the prison of “man’s opinion.”
What exactly is the “fear of man,” you ask?
It’s essentially the constant need for approval from others. You fear people because you think they hold power over you. You seek validation from your boss because you believe they control your promotion or paycheck. Or maybe you fear rejection because you need others to affirm you, and so you bend over backward to avoid disappointing them.
During this time, I made it my mission to be the “ideal employee” — fair, agreeable, and conflict-free, while putting careful thought into my appearance. I realized this behavior stemmed from unresolved trauma from previous toxic workplaces. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t change how some people saw me. There were those determined to misunderstand me or force me into their own narrative.
I tried so hard to be “unproblematic,” to avoid the “angry Black woman” stereotype, and to always be “friendly.” The weight of expectation was heavy, compounded by the need to prove myself in the face of racial bias. Despite my pleasant demeanor, my reputation was tainted by others’ judgments.
This experience reminded me of Joseph in Genesis 39, who was falsely accused by Potiphar’s wife. But there was someone else who was falsely accused and misperceived in an even more profound way — Jesus.
Jesus, the Messiah, performed miracles and fulfilled prophecies. Yet, despite all that, people spread rumors that He was a magician using evil powers (Matthew 9:34). He was ultimately condemned for crimes He didn’t commit, and His crucifixion became the means by which He bore the burden of our sins. His story made me realize that He truly understands what I went through (Hebrews 4:15).
God brought this to my remembrance, and it gave me comfort. I found peace in knowing that Jesus not only understood my pain, but He also walked this difficult road before me. In the midst of the hurt, I found the blessing — my fear of man was broken. The fear of being misjudged, misunderstood, or fitting into a stereotype — all of it had to go.
I learned that whether I did the “right” thing or not, whether I followed every rule or bent a few, people would believe what they wanted to believe to fit their assumptions about me. The only thing that truly mattered was pleasing God, not man. His approval was the only one that counted, above all — above my job, my family, and my friends. I realized my purpose was to glorify Him, not to appease others. The situation was difficult but I’ve overcome it and now I get to share how you can, too.
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Here are some practical tips for freeing yourself from peoples opinions:
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Solidify God’s special call over your life.
Start every (work) day by reminding yourself in prayer or journaling that your worth and direction come from God, not from people’s opinions.
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Ask yourself “are my actions pleasing God?”
Prayer and reflection allowed me to see that I was prioritizing work over God and pleasing people over God so it became a bit of an idol. Taking inventory of your motives and behavior and bringing them before Him will lead you on the path to freedom from the approval of others.
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Remove yourself from the situation (if you can).
I released myself by quite literally removing myself from the establishment. I realized then that I can’t please everyone especially people committed to misunderstanding me. Don’t make a hasty decision though, sometimes God keeps us in a place to train us. So ask Him first prior to making a move!
I’m so grateful the Lord kept me as I learned this lesson. It’s so freeing when you realize you’re living for an audience of One.
SHOP