Hey guys! It’s Medge. I hope October treated you well!

I’ll be honest, I am every possible shade of tired.

TIRED.

Have you ever been afloat, slightly on the verge of sinking? It’s scary to merely consider that I’ve been feeling in over my head. The fear of change is exhausting and it took me until the end of October to notice that I am burnt out!

I kind of feel lost at sea — the shore is right ahead and everything that I want is waiting for me but I am too tired to swim towards it. School, work, social life, taking on new roles — it’s a lot. And since we pride ourselves in being busy and checking off each task, we continue to pile on all the work. We think, “If I don’t pull an all-nighter, I will fail this class. If I don’t hang out with this person at some point, I’m not being a good friend.” etc.

At some point, it starts to weigh you down.

We get to a point where we are so used to rescuing others and lifting them up that when our arm is sore, and we start to lose footing — no one is there to rescue us. In the end, we don’t recognize we are in need of rescuing ourselves. We don’t know we’re tired.

Instead of hitting rock bottom, I will reach up to the One who can help me walk upon the waters.

I’ve grown accustomed to doing things my way and now that it seems to be slipping out of my grip I’ve been trying to fix the situation by “doing.” I go through my regular duties and act as if I have it all together when I don’t. I’ve been holding on to my old self in a way and certain habits because they are familiar and comfortable: a safety vest.

Before I was baptized, I was told that things will only get harder. This new “Medgina” seemed so sparkly and fresh that I forgot about the instructor’s manual and went about things the way I thought they should be done. I felt invincible to all the sharks but there were tiny holes in my safety vest the whole time. God wanted to see how I would react. How long would it take me to realize that I’m shoulder-deep in waters that I never tread before? It’s new territory and trying to be the old Medgina at the same time won’t help me.

I am currently working towards swimming to shore. I am re-teaching myself how to be present instead of going through the motions.

It’s okay to admit that the tides are getting high and that the things you once found easy are weighing you down.

It’s okay to ask for help (s c a r y, trust me I know). It’s okay to admit you’ve lost control and need some direction. It’s okay to treat yourself! Stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. It’s okay if you’re tired. It’s okay if you can’t do something. The world will still be spinning, God will be the same He was the day before and the next day: there is no punishment in taking rest.

I’m learning that I can’t walk on water and carry everyone with me as well. I have to learn to take care of myself. So for now, my lungs are healing and I’m ready to reteach myself the basics. I lost a bit of the old me back at sea and learning about myself and who God is with my identity will be but another adventure.

The most beautiful thing is that when you get to dry land and the waves no longer crash over you, it will remove all fear and doubt and anxiety and sadness and leave you with constant renewal. Grace will cover you. Love will pour out of you. Peace will run through you.

Nothing in this life comes easy but there’s a Lifeguard available whenever you need him, He’s just one prayer away.

Much love,

Medge